Something else we have in common... flying on the airlines and listening to the airlines announcements and trying to pretend to ourselves that the language they use is really english. Doesn't seem like it to me. The whole thing starts when you get to the gate. First announcement: "we would like to begin the boarding process". Extra word "process" - not necessary, boarding is enough. We'd like to begin the boarding. Simple, tells the story. People add extra words when they want things to sound more important than they really are. "Boarding process" - sounds important - it isn't. It's just a bunch of people getting on an airplane. People like to sound important. Weathermen on television talk about shower activity. Sounds more important than showers. I even heard one guy on CNN talk about a rain event. Swear to God he said: "Louisiana's expecting a rain event". I thought HOLY SHIT, hope I can get tickets to that!

Emergency situation. News people like to say: "the police have responded to an emergency situation". No they haven't, they've responded to an emergency. We KNOW it's a situation - everything is a situation. Anyway, as part of this boarding process they say: "we would like to preboard". Well, what exactly is that anyway. What does it mean to preboard; to get on before you get on? That's another complaint of mine, too much use of that prefix "pre". It's all over the language now, pre this, pre that, place the turkey in a preheated oven. It's ridiculous, there're only two states an oven can possibly exist in: heated or unheated. Preheated is a meaningless fucking term. It's like prerecorded, "this program was prerecorded" well of course it was prerecorded, when else you gonna record it, afterwards?! That's the whole purpose of recording, to do it beforehand, otherwise it doesn't really work, does it?! Pre-existing, pre-planning, pre-screening. You know what I tell these people? PRESUCK MY GENITAL SITUATION!

About this time someone is telling you to get on the plane, get on the plane, get on the plane. I say: "FUCK YOU, I'm getting IN the plane". IN the plane. Let evil knievel get ON the plane, I'll be in here with you folks in uniform, there seems to be less WIND in here.

They might tell you you're on a non-stop flight. Well, I don't think I care for that. No, I insist that my flight stop! Preferably at an airport. It's those sudden, unscheduled corn field and housing development stops that seem to interrupt the flow of my day.

Here's one they just made up: near miss. When two planes almost collide they call it a near miss, IT'S A NEAR HIT! A COLLISION is a near miss! *BOOM* "look, they nearly missed. Yes! But not quite!"